I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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