Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
