I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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