theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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