now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
