R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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