Your face is a jimmy john
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You did what with his pubic hair?
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