We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Two words: blizzard sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
