my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
