Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
