I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
