im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
