Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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