I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
