I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize