my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I die, sorry about rent.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
