please come you make the beer taste better
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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