Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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