I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
