RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
