I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
