i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am naked and annoyed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
