I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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