Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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