can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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