she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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