just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When did we convert life to cartoon?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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