i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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