Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
