JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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