hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
