there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
