i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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