He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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