I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
