My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
