Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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