I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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