It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
