he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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