you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
