I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
only you would photoshop your dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is Oprah even human
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
