Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
