Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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