I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
