She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All the doctor said was why
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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