I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
