just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
