"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
