If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
