gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I smell like Dick and happiness
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