sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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