just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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