The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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