apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
