Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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