So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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