Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
