I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
