before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize