I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
