New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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