She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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