dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
