how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
