About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
