You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
