that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
