Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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