It was confusing and full of hummus
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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