why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The best revenge is premature balding
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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