Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
