I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My life is pants optional.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
