I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize