Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
