And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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